Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
