your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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