It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sext me about skeletons
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
