i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
