But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
