I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
be right there i have to get my cape
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
