like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
