They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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