i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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