FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
