erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
