I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
