No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
