Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
