i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
