then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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