He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
