One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
