You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
