I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
