I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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