I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
