And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
