Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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