watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
