So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
