I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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