Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
