Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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