Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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