she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
