My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
