I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
