my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
