I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
