last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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