He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
