I'm really into asian looking animals
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have fence marks all over my body
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
