Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
