So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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