There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
