"it" just moved
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
