im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
