babies were throwing up all over the place
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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