you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
