I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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