Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
