Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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