she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
whose parrot is this?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
