He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
